I didn't like itWANTED: A Hollyood action movie that won't insult the intelligence of a 12 year old
December 16th 2008 10:48
Most reviews warn that you need to check your brain in at the door for this one, and after viewing it I must say they really weren't kidding. This is quite possibly the stupidest action movie I've ever seen.
I have a theory about the dumbing down of American cinema and the rise of comic book movies. I consume a lot of both, so I figure I'm entitled to a theory. Most mainstream comics are incredibly silly. You can throw the most ridiculous things in there, and there will be no shortage of comic book geeks ready to lap it all up. In the past, a pitch about a secret 'Fraternity' of assassins who get their targets from a secret code woven into fabric made by an old supernatural textile machine called (what else?) 'The Loom of Fate', would surely have been laughed out of Hollywood. But in this new era of increasingly mindless entertainment, all of a sudden the kinds of ridiculous premises that are the comic industry's stock in trade are now all ripe for big screen adaptation.
That this is one of the silliest things ever committed to celluloid is indisputable. Here are ten things that make no sense whatsoever in this movie:
1. If Gibson's father was trying to save him and not kill him, why didn't he just talk to him instead of trying to put a bullet in his head for the first hour of the movie?
2. Why does Angelina Jolie's Fox kill herself?
3. How can you throw a whole train off a cliff and not see one civilian death?
4. How is it you can be responsible for the death of hundreds of innocent train travelers and still be a hero?
5. How is it you can be responsible for the death of hundreds of innocent train travelers and not be a terrorist?
6. How is it you can blow up a castle in the middle of a civilian area and no emergency services, cops, or TV news crews turn up on the scene?
7. What the hell is that magic wax stuff that heals all the non-fatal wounds of the 'Fraternity' members? Why don't these people just sell this magic treatment to Pfizer and all become trillionaires?
8. Shoot the wings off flies, are you kidding me?
9. And don't get me started on the physics of 'bending' bullets in mid-air.
10. And does this mean that JFK was offed by a member of the 'Fraternity'?
Nevertheless, the movie has its fans. Are they all total morons? Well, no. This movie may be stupid but it is certainly not boring. A post natal, androgynous Angelina Jolie looks more menacing than ever, and everything is done with such energy and style, that for the first half hour or so you feel like you might actually be watching something fresh and exciting. But it quickly becomes apparent that all Hollywood first-timer Timur Bekmambetov is interested in doing is aping every single American action movie he's seen, mainly the infinitely superior Fight Club and The Matrix.
I have a theory about the dumbing down of American cinema and the rise of comic book movies. I consume a lot of both, so I figure I'm entitled to a theory. Most mainstream comics are incredibly silly. You can throw the most ridiculous things in there, and there will be no shortage of comic book geeks ready to lap it all up. In the past, a pitch about a secret 'Fraternity' of assassins who get their targets from a secret code woven into fabric made by an old supernatural textile machine called (what else?) 'The Loom of Fate', would surely have been laughed out of Hollywood. But in this new era of increasingly mindless entertainment, all of a sudden the kinds of ridiculous premises that are the comic industry's stock in trade are now all ripe for big screen adaptation.
That this is one of the silliest things ever committed to celluloid is indisputable. Here are ten things that make no sense whatsoever in this movie:
1. If Gibson's father was trying to save him and not kill him, why didn't he just talk to him instead of trying to put a bullet in his head for the first hour of the movie?
2. Why does Angelina Jolie's Fox kill herself?
3. How can you throw a whole train off a cliff and not see one civilian death?
4. How is it you can be responsible for the death of hundreds of innocent train travelers and still be a hero?
5. How is it you can be responsible for the death of hundreds of innocent train travelers and not be a terrorist?
6. How is it you can blow up a castle in the middle of a civilian area and no emergency services, cops, or TV news crews turn up on the scene?
7. What the hell is that magic wax stuff that heals all the non-fatal wounds of the 'Fraternity' members? Why don't these people just sell this magic treatment to Pfizer and all become trillionaires?
8. Shoot the wings off flies, are you kidding me?
9. And don't get me started on the physics of 'bending' bullets in mid-air.
10. And does this mean that JFK was offed by a member of the 'Fraternity'?
Nevertheless, the movie has its fans. Are they all total morons? Well, no. This movie may be stupid but it is certainly not boring. A post natal, androgynous Angelina Jolie looks more menacing than ever, and everything is done with such energy and style, that for the first half hour or so you feel like you might actually be watching something fresh and exciting. But it quickly becomes apparent that all Hollywood first-timer Timur Bekmambetov is interested in doing is aping every single American action movie he's seen, mainly the infinitely superior Fight Club and The Matrix.
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Comment by jon
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